


Practically dating a whole family

by SpicyMexicanJesus



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Doomfist was announced a few days ago and i saw the opportunity of a new ot3, M/M, and gabe is 50, and so is hanzo, but is okay now, even though akande and jack are mentioned three times, everyone is a little ooc, jesse and sombra are siblings okay, jesse is four years younger then cannon, jesse is rlly eager for love and made bad decisions, jesse likes calling sombra names bc he knows sombra is her real name, past abusive relationships, sombra is same age as cannon, sombra is still a gr8 hacker, you can pry their relationship out of my cold dead hands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2018-12-02 00:35:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11498106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpicyMexicanJesus/pseuds/SpicyMexicanJesus
Summary: Dating Jesse Reyes McCree had been an experience. Hanzo was finally going to be introduced to his family after five months into their relationship, and was dreading it a bit. It’s been delayed so long because he’s been told that Jesse’s family is a little overwhelming. Jesse told him the basics about his sister and single father, but nothing would prepare him for this.





	Practically dating a whole family

Dating Jesse Reyes McCree had been an experience. Hanzo was finally going to be introduced to his family after five months into their relationship, and was dreading it a bit. It’s been delayed so long because he’s been told that Jesse’s family is a little overwhelming. Jesse told him the basics about his sister and single father, but nothing would prepare him for this.

Jesse looked ecstatic, “Honeybee, you’re gonna love my family and they’re gonna love you back! I just know it!” The duo came up to the cowboy’s house, it looked like any other house in the neighborhood, but if Hanzo listened a bit closer, he heard angry Spanish yelling.

Hanzo looked over to Jesse, they were on his doorsteps, “Are you sure about this Jesse?” 

“Well, if you don’t wanna, you don’t have to, Sugarplum,” Jesse looked down and took out the keys from the lock to his house. 

“Wait, Jesse,” He put his hand on Jesse’s and helped him unlock the door together, “I know how much you want me to meet your family, so I shall do it.” Jesse went inside the house first, and Hanzo almost covered his ears from how loud the yelling was. 

“Jesse! Tell Sombrita that how I deal with Jackie and Akande is none of her business!” A tall, darker man came into view and Hanzo could tell how Jesse was related to him. But Jesse never told him about a Jackie and Akande, but the Shimada figured they were people Jesse’s dad cared about. 

“How you deal with those two is totally my business! And seeing you dance around your feelings around them was fun at first, but now, it’s getting old! So maybe I did do a little threatening so you could finally go on a date… You don’t have the courage to do it yourself!” She ran to the couch to throw a pillow at her dad, but yelped when Jesse threw one of his boots at her.

Mr. Reyes looked like he was going to commit a double homicide any time now, “Well because of you, both of them stopped talking to me!”

“What the fuck Maria! You don’t see us telling Satya how much you love her! How the fuck are we going to fix this!” 

Sombra looked annoyed, “Well you paid more attention to papá instead of that stupid Shimada, who’s probably gonna break your heart, you would’ve seen how much papá is miserable without them!” She yelled at him.

Jesse went to defend his boyfriend, “Hanzo ain’t like the others Esmeralda! He’s way better than the others!”

“That’s what you said about James! You almost ended up in the hospital because of him! And don’t make me bring up Arianna, you can’t even look at pizzas anymore without crying!” She waved her hands wildly, as if she tried to prove a point. 

“Hanzo’s different, Adrianna! I’m tellin’ ya!” Jesse moved his hands too.

Sombra walked right in front of him, “So was Crystal, Lily, David, Jorge, Leah… should I go on?” 

“She’s got a point, firecracker, you have a poor taste in people,” Jesse’s dad looked less angry, but he was still protective of his son.

“Well, I guess you could be the judge of that, since I brought him here with me!” Jesse stepped aside, to show everyone his shorter boyfriend. “Now come on papá, let me try to help you with Jack and Akande.”

He watched Jesse leave the room with his papá. Sombra looked at him with dangerous eyes. Hanzo gulped, he wasn’t sure if he was going to survive the day. Genji was probably gonna keep everything and throw things he deemed lame.

“So, you’re the Shimada Jesse’s been talkin’ about,” Jesse’s sister started, he wasn’t sure what her name was, since the cowboy would always call her different names, but she seems to like being called Sombra, “Mi hermano talks about you all the time.” Sombra looked like a cat with her sharp pink nails and the way she was sitting. 

“Ah, well, I don’t know why he talks about me so much when he’s truly the better half in our relationship,” Hanzo chuckled nervously and folded his hands.

“You’re damn right he is. As you heard earlier, you wouldn’t be the first to break his heart, so if you ever make him even the tiniest bit of sad, I will ruin your life. Your dad’s an important business man, right? Heard he might go political soon. It would be a shame if your dad’s career go in shambles if something were to get out involving his mistress… well that wouldn’t be very good would it? But then again, you cut him out of your life, so ruining his life would be beneficial to you. My skills go both ways you know, I could make him win the race instead of lose.. But you hardly care since you rather be making cupcakes with your brother.”

“How do you know all of this?” Hanzo asked, all he hoped for was that Genji at least keep his pokemon collection clean.

She smirked at him, “I just do,” Sombra’s eyes went to deadly, “and all your information can get accidentally leaked to the black web. Now you might mean well, but so did all his other ex’s and no one knows where they are anymore...”

Hanzo contemplated whether he should bolt or not, but that might send the wrong message to Sombra. “Well unlike his other ex’s, I’m going to try my hardest and make sure Jesse never has a bad day when he’s with me.”

He considered it a win when she narrowed her eyes and changed the subject, “So, what do you do for a living?”

“Don’t you already know what I do for a living?”

“Yes, but it’s always fun getting to hear it from the actual person.”

“Oh, then I’m a baker.”

“Baker? At least you don’t run a pizzeria. For how long?”

“Six years now.”

“That’s real cute. So how long have you been dating my brother?”

“We’ve been dating for five months now.”

“Five months now? Where’dja meet?”

“At the Mcdonald's in Walmart, my brother, Genji accidentally dropped his McBurger on the floor which almost tripped Jesse, if I didn’t catch him..”

“How romantic. So, Handsoap, you’ve been dating my brother Jesse for five months and only now do I get to meet you. Why is that?”

“Jesse said you might scare me away.”

“Yet, you’re still here. So it seems I haven’t scared you away.”

“Yes, but you are a little intimidating. So, I heard that you have a crush on Satya?”

Sombra preened at being called intimidating, but when she heard the name Satya, the girl almost pulled a knife on Hanzo. “How do you know Satya?” 

Hanzo shrugged, “She helps me around the bakery sometimes. She loves to talk about you though.”

“Really?” She scoot up to him, “What does she say about me?”

“All good things, I assure you,” Hanzo gave her a small smile, when he saw her’s was full of hope.

“I can see why he likes you,” She started, he looked at her, silently hoping she’d continued, “you seem funny, smart, and you’re hot as hell. But just because you meet all of his standards, it doesn’t mean you have a right to step on him whenever you want to. Mi hermano is the best thing to happen to any of us, and I’ve seen his heart break too many times. He can’t handle another one, I won’t let it happen. So I guess all I’m asking is for you to saddle up for the ride and I hope to Dios that you hold on.”

“Sombra, I know Jesse means a lot to you,” He looked at her, full with determination, “ he means a lot to me too. Jesse is, there’s no words to describe him. He acts like a fool, but I know it’s to surprise other people on how smart he is. Not only is he smart, but he’s funny and great and there’s just so many amazing things about him! Sure I don’t always get what he says. And heck, I don’t even know what he sees in me, but when I stop dating him, I want that to be day that I get to marry him. Because I think I’m in love with your brother, Sombra.”

If she was holding a cup, she would have definitely dropped it by now. Jesse was right, Hanzo is nothing like others he brought home. Now if only she recorded it, Sombra would’ve totally played it at their wedding.”That’s great to hear, because it sounds like I have nothing to worry about. So, it’s time for you to talk to my dad! Papá is a big softie underneath, so you’ll probably be fine.”

“-so now all Esme needs to do is apologize and you’re gonna be fine, papá.” As if on cue, Jesse and his dad walked in. “How’d it go, you two?” The former asked the two in the living room. 

“Well,” Sombra looked over to Hanzo, ”as long as papá doesn’t scare him away, I think we’ll be fine.”

Jesse chuckled, “Ya hear that papá? Please don’t scare my boyfriend away.”

“I make no promises.”

“You’re such a jokester, papá. Well come on Estrella, we gotta deal with someone else’s love life for once. And make some chicken tacos.”

She rolled her eyes, “I told you everything would be fine, didn’t I? And they’re not even tacos, they’re sad excuses for burritos,” she mumbled as the duo left to the kitchen.

“So,” Hanzo started.

“So.”

“My name is Shimada Hanzo,” He put his hand out to shake.

“Mr Reyes.” Hanzo almost winced when he took Mr Reyes grabbed his hand.

“You have quite a strong grip, Mr Reyes,” Hanzo tried to joke.

“I know.” Hanzo’s lips turned down a bit when he noticed his joke fall flat.

“So, uh… I’m dating you son,” Hanzo thought Sombra was a little scary, but Jesse’s dad? Mr Reyes? He was absolutely terrifying. While she cared about the information about the short Japanese man, Mr Reyes could care less.

“I realize.” 

Hanzo didn’t really know what to say. If he accidentally says something insensitive to Mr. Reyes, he could kiss bye bye to seeing Jesse. And he likes Jesse, a lot.

Mr. Reyes rolled his eyes, “Let’s cut the crap, Shimada. I know Sombrita already gave you the talk about hurting my firecracker. But, she’ll only ruin your image. I’ll destroy you. My son’s a smart boy, but he’s had a bad streak with people. So you better hope that you’re the person that ruins his streak. You got it?” 

“I wouldn’t dream of hurting your son, Mr. Reyes. I like to believe that I ruined that streak when I caught him at that Mcdonalds.”

“Good. Now let’s see if they finished their chicken “tacos”.” Mr. Reyes got up and left, leaving Hanzo a little bit behind.

“Right on time, sugarplum!” Jesse smiled when he noticed his dad and boyfriend walked into the kitchen, “did everything go as good as I hope?”

Hanzo was about to say something, when Mr. Reyes cut him off, “Ain’t the worst one you brought home, I’ll give him that.” 

“Oh!” Jesse looked like someone gave him the sun with that big smile of his, “That’s great to hear, because when ya said the least worst ex I had was James. And my arm’s gone ‘cause of ‘im!” He waved excitedly with his prosthetic arm. 

Sombra rolled her eyes, “The best thing to happen with your ex’s are the languages you end up learning. Like Italian, German, Japanese….” She began to count them with her fingers.

Suddenly, the Japanese man went red in the face, “How long have you known Japanese, Jesse?”  
“‘M actually fluent in it, if ya could believe it. Man the things I heard ya say back when we weren’t dating were dirty! ‘M surprised you didn’t get a boner every time ya saw me, if I’m bein’ honest.”

Sombra barfed, “Gross.”

“Why didn’t you tell me anything?” The Japanese man went red in the face. 

“Because I think the words you say in Japanese is cute and I don’t want ya ta stop.”

Mr. Reyes rolled his eyes, “Okay lovebirds, the food’s ready so let’s eat.”

“Do you not set the table?” Hanzo asked his boyfriend.

“Well, unless there’s a huge celebration, like Akande and Jack comin’ over, we just grab our plate, forks, and our drinks. Nothin’ to it.”

Hanzo made an ‘O’ with his mouth, he sat down at the table along with everyone else, “I don’t mean to intrude, but who are Akande and Jack?” He thought he was going to die when he noticed Mr. Reyes’ fork drop onto his plate.

“Our other “dads”, but someone just fucked it all up,” Jesse glared at his sister as he ate his chicken taco.

“They promised to come over tomorrow!” Sombra defended herself.

“Can we not talk about my love life, please,” Mr. Reyes groaned, “We have guest over, meaning we have to embarrass Jesse.”

Jesse shook his head in protest, “Oh god.” He laid his head on the table, groaning.

“Back when we were younger and were living on the streets, we made a shit ton of money by stealing. But what the embarrassing part was, Jesse demanded to be called The Vigilante and wore stupid cowboy get up every time we stole something! He had a huge crush on Clint Eastwood too!”

“I was twelve.I grew out of my cowboy phase,” The Vigilante mumbled. 

Mr. Reyes looked over to Hanzo, trying to see his reaction on finding out Jesse was a thief, but Hanzo just chuckled at the thought of a twelve year old Jesse McCree dressing up as a cowboy. He smirked, giving Hanzo even juicer information, “If I’m not mistaken, you also own a ‘Save a Horse and Ride this Cowboy’ shirt. Which means you have yet to grow out of your cowboy phase.”  
“If it makes you feel better, I had a otaku phase when I was younger,” Hanzo patted his boyfriend’s shoulder, reassuringly. “But not to intrude, how are you related?”

“Oh you’re not intruding on anything, honeybear. Som and I are actual siblings. Same mom, different dad.” Jesse told him.

“And I adopted them when Jesse was around twenty and Sombra was sixteen.”

The rest of the night went on without a hitch as they shared embarrassing stories of each other. And soon, Jesse and Hanzo had to leave. “Thank you for the food Sombra and Mr. Reyes,” Hanzo, being respectful as ever, bowed to them as the duo left.

Mr. Reyes smiled at the two, “Please, call me Gabriel.” He shook Hanzo’s hand, “But if I may have a word with Jesse...”

“I will wait for you in the car, cowboy.” Hanzo waved to them as he left, hearing Sombra laugh at his nickname for Jesse.

“Maybe we were wrong about Hanzo at first,” Gabriel told his son.

Sombra nodded, “Yeah, he’s a total keeper.”

“Does that mean you like him?” Jesse smiled, Hanzo’s going to love this!

“We don’t like him,” The younger Hispanic told her brother, “We love him!”

“Now get going, you don’t want to keep Hanzo waiting,” Gabriel shooed him away.

Jesse walked out, “Yeah, yeah.”

“Ten bucks if they get married in the next year,” Sombra said as soon as the door was shut.

Gabriel smirked, “Twenty, if Jesse’s the one who proposes.”

“Twenty-five if Hanzo proposes instead.”

“You’re on.”

___________________________________________________________________

Needless to say, Sombra earned twenty-five dollars a year later as they watched Hanzo and Jesse exchange their ‘I do’s’. She smirked and walked over to the table where Gabriel, Jack, and Akande sat after the lovely ceremony.

**Author's Note:**

> Gabe and Sombra are protective of Jesse 'cause he would get in a lot of abusive relationships when he was younger. And the names I put in here may or may not be family members of mine. Not because they're abusive, but they're jerks sometimes. Also Jesse and Sombra just want to find love for Gabe, even though they might go through harsh means. Thanks for reading! And hopefully I didn't fuck over their characters that bad.


End file.
